I remember quite well, as if it was yesterday. It was a green block of four flats and we went into the bottom left one. I exclaimed as we entered because it was so pleasantly furnished with soft lush carpeting. I couldn’t help myself but exclaimed, “wow, is anyone leaving here soon because I want to move in, I’m in love with your house.” Anyone that knows me would agree that I wear my heart on my sleeve and tend to be quite honest about how I feel.

Moving in with my in-laws was a no brainer as remaining in Ajamogha was never an option. The riots kept raging within the city centre with several gory stories of people being killed for being in the “wrong” place and from the “wrong” tribe. It was scary living in Warri in1999.

By this time, I was getting used to living in Warri with the rampant armed robberies going on. I was never afraid of harm as I felt my life and times were in God’s hands. I remember one night while nursing the baby I counted 18-gun shots as I laid down. Hearing gun shots was such a natural occurrence that it didn’t alarm me or anyone else. I would calmly count them as if they were oranges; one two, three, four, five up to eighteen. This would have been within the span of one hour while I nursed baby Josiah.

It was nerve racking as I made my way to the house. There were no mobile phones in 1992, so I couldn’t call kev to pick me. I had to rely on his letter which had specific instructions on what to do once I arrived Warri. I looked down at my outfit, was I dressed appropriately? Was I too shabby? My dress sense had taken a big hit once I became a Christian. I was told I could not wear certain things, make up and earrings inclusive.

He was the gregarious, outgoing, life and soul of the party type. I on the other hand was reserved, shy, finding it difficult to mix. When God told me that Kev was going to be my husband, I started observing him, waiting for him to make a move.

About two years after her Online Dating fiasco, Lily decided to give it one more try. I curiously asked what made her want to try it again. “Was it the loneliness in a strange land?” She said it wasn’t. Before her arrival, she had fully prepared herself mentally for a lonely life. However, she had made some good friends in her class and on her birthday, two separate people had wanted to throw parties on her behalf. She had to emphatically decline, preferring to spend a quiet evening watching comedy in her room.

In my growing days, there was no Online dating. It was the traditional boy meets girl love story, where the girls had to wait patiently for the boys to make “the first move”. The girl was meant to stay cool and often play hard to get. A lot of times you would already suspect which boy was interested in you. I don’t remember if we ever used the word “crush”. (Please, leave a comment below). Heaven forbid that you, as a young girl would openly approach a guy for a relationship.  It was almost a taboo. The best you could do was talk about your crushes with your best friends. They would of course, all be sworn to secrecy.  

When it came to my memory, it sometime seemed like there were dark patches over my brain that would not allow me access the words I needed. I struggled to recall names of people, towns, items etc. The word was always so close, yet so far away. It was a struggle to remember basic information.