Women of a Certain Age
You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone. I didn’t know I would ever miss the ability of sleeping through the night, something I’ve always taken for granted. I was fine until I hit my mid-forties. Suddenly, I just couldn't sleep through the night. Once I awoke, that would be it. If it was 2am, I would toss and turn until i finally fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning. I totally envied my husband whose head hardly hit the pillow before he was snoring. It just didn’t seem fair.
I had a three-point strategy to counter this new problem. First, not to sleep too early; second, not to eat too late and third, not to have any evening teas or coffees. Alas, my strategy failed me! On nights when I’d wake up needing the toilet, the norm would be to walk with my eyes partially closed, arms stretched out so as not to fully “wake up”. I sometimes abused medication, especially the drowsy cough syrup for children.
In 2020, I discovered that my insomnia was all part of the perimenopause. It was an unknown word to me and also to a lot of women, derived from the word menopause. What exactly is menopause? Simply put, it is a long-term hormone deficiency in women. A subject not much talked about and often in hushed tones.
Perimenopause is the period just before the cessation of the monthly cycle and they share the same symptoms. As a woman ages, her body gets depleted of oestrogen. New research shows that menopause is not just a function of the ovaries that produce the oestrogen, but also of the brain. It can affect brain activity which eventually contributes to Alzheimer’s. Ignoring the symptoms can do more harm than good to the brain. A scan of a premenopausal brain and a mid-menopausal brain showed a significant drop in energy levels (up to 25%). The earlier you start treatment the better. Please ladies, don’t leave it until it’s too late.
Most women consider the topic of menopause embarrassing. As I had earlier mentioned, I didn’t even know I was in perimenopause until I was sleep deprived. That was the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I was extremely tired, I would not be able to fall asleep immediately despite my absolute exhaustion. I would lie down for hours, totally knackered but awake. I would long for sleep but it wouldn’t come. You could only imagine my frustration.
When it came to my memory, it sometime seemed like there were dark patches over my brain that would not allow me access the words I needed. I struggled to recall names of people, towns, items etc. The word was always so close, yet so far away. It was a struggle to remember basic information.
I also observed that my reading became quite slow. Sometimes I would read and not understand immediately. I could never keep up with reading when the television was scrolling. I didn’t know there was a name for it, brain fog. Once upon a time I was the family Scrabble champion, beating my husband effortlessly. Not anymore! My mathematician husband has become a man of letters and words. I never thought I'd see the day!
Sometimes I would be driving and momentarily forget where I was going. I convinced myself that it was the beginnings of dementia. Twice, I booked appointments with the doctors and told them I had dementia. Both thought I was being incredulous. The lady doctor had a good laugh and explained to me what the problem was. It was a relief to find a name for it.
Some symptoms of menopause include mood swings, hot flushes, cold sweats, sleeplessness, weight gain, loss of libido, vaginal dryness, loss of elasticity, brain fog, joint pains - to mention a few. My friend Jill told me about her bouts of depression which had a six-week cycle. A very meticulous lady, she couldn’t understand what has happening to her. She therefore decided to keep a journal of her experiences. She mentioned how once, she cried all the way to school as she drove, for no apparent reason. She finished her class, got into her car, and continued crying as she went to her next appointment. It was a total overwhelming of deep sadness.
Other ladies have lost their jobs because of mood swings and irrational behaviour. One of my sisters in law said she simply turned into this cantankerous overbearing ogre. Her husband couldn’t get his head round her. She also shared how the weight just wouldn’t shift no matter how sensibly she ate and exercised.
Other symptoms are more physical than emotional. It was a relief to watch a special programme on BBC Channel 5 that fully explained the Menopause. My joy was palpable to hear someone verbalise what I had been experiencing. Davina, the TV presenter talked about a time she was seated in a studio having her makeup done. She was suddenly overcome by a hot flush that she had to ask if they had heated seats. I wasn’t going mad after all.
Some women have complained of being very smelly “down there” or passing foul urine. I’ve discovered that for every symptom, there is a solution. The HRT (hormone replacement therapy) is widely used in the UK. This could either be a Progesterone patch or a gel. It is rubbed onto the skin and left to be absorbed. There is also the Utrogestan tablet which is taken daily. The new kid on the block is the testosterone gel which improves libido and energy levels. There is another one that’s stuck “up there” to deal with the little stink.
My research and interviews have led me to so many discoveries. I remember last year when we were having our class reunion and I was seated beside my friend. Out of the blues, she broke out into a profuse sweat on her face. It was literally dripping like someone had splashed her with a glass of water. All I could do was to give her the little information I had. Ladies don’t delay. You don’t have to suck it up and brave it out. Get some help and don’t suffer in silence. The best news of all is that one day it will all end. The menopause isn’t for ever, I didn’t even know that.
Please leave some feedback about what your experience has been like. I would love to hear from you. I have realised that people’s experiences differ and you just might be helping some sister out there!