The Perry Men

Like me, so many people have wondered what perimenopause means. I had never heard about it myself until February 2021 when I attended an ACAS training. It was a strange one, “Menopause in the Workplace”. For the first time I heard about the Perimenopause. I am ashamed to admit that I hadn’t known much about the Menopause even at 50. All I knew was that the monthly cycle would end one day .

Sometimes it doesn’t dawn on us how old we really are. The other day, a friend of mine who is two years older said she thought she looked “really good” for her age. (She doesn't) I wish I could be as confident as she was. Such compliments are fantastic to hear but I always take them with a pinch of salt. When people say “oh, you haven’t changed one bit,” it’s likely not 100% true.  It just reinforces the quest for lost youth. Little wonder the menopause creeps up on us unawares.

It was a winter afternoon in the office and the weather was cold and crisp. I suddenly felt this hot, intensely steamy bubble of air wrap itself tightly around me. I wasn’t sure what it was and nobody in the front office seemed to be reacting to it.  Luckily for me, I was soon left alone and switched from heating to air conditioning. I eventually joined the dots and concluded it might be the menopause. Little did I know that the party hadn’t started yet. I was still in perimenopause, a word i had never heard of. My question since then has been “why wasn’t it being talked about?  Why was it not in the news? why is it not in the school curriculum?” Someone once said that if men were also affected, things would have been different.

Davina McCall presented an excellent documentary on the subject on BBC Chanel 5. She mentioned an incident where she was at the hair dressers and had a hot flush. She sheepishly asked if they had heated seats. Symptoms across Perimenopause and Menopause are very similar. They include; insomnia, disrupted sleep, weight gain, stress, incontinence, irritability, fatigue, vaginal dryness, night sweats, dizzy spells, anxiety, hot flushes, joint pain, brain fog, body odour, soreness of the breast, gum problems to mention a few.

Unfortunately, no lady wants to talk about her menopause experience. It sort of gives the impression that one is very old. Sometimes, you suddenly just need to fan yourself and you are the only one doing this in the room. Everyone else is okay but you are in this bubble of steam. “Have I got any sisters out there?” Other times you are gripped with a sudden cold flush and you need to wrap up warmly. I have turned our bedroom into a freezer and my dearly beloved husband is at my mercy. I need to have all the windows open and the fan running full blast. I kick away the duvet and bed cover so I can have the cool. Meanwhile they say I’m still in perimenopause, the big M hasn’t even started yet.

Something very comical happened last week on the 21st of July 2021. I had a doctor’s appointment over the phone to discuss some challenges. After we finished, I told her I had an unrelated problem which I would like to discuss. “Yes, how can I help you Hennang.” I told her I thought I had dementia because I just couldn’t remember details anymore. My brain seemed to have gone to sleep and was so slow in giving me the words I needed. I almost go into a panic when I am asked questions. A simple phrase like “are you sure?” would have me spinning in circles. “Am I sure? Was that really it? Had something changed and I couldn’t remember? It seemed like I was always ten miles behind. I was completely convinced I had dementia. The doctor laughed so hard and so long that I was forced to join her eventually. “No Hennang, it’s not dementia. Its part of the symptoms of Menopause. If only you knew how many women came to me with the same symptoms as you.”

What a relief. It was as if a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. For the past one year I had convinced myself that I had dementia. I had signed up to support the Alzheimer’s charity so I could learn more about it

I was researching how to beat Alzheimer’s and praying against it daily. The two scriptures I was using from the Bible were;

“He sent forth His word and healed them, and delivered them from all their destructions.” Ps 107:20

“For the word of God is alive and powerful, it is sharper than the sharpest two edged sword…” Heb 4:12

I stood on the efficacy of God’s word. The Bible became my medication, I took my study to a new level. The Word had the power to heal dementia and to cut off every diseased part of my brain. It is alive, it is sharp, it heals. The fight was on! I decided to completely relax in my faith in God and chose not to talk about it to anyone, not even my husband. I didn’t want to have him worried about me. The only time he got a whiff of it was when we went for our “over 50’s” health check in December 2020. That was the first time I had acknowledged it to anybody.  I told the male nurse that I thought I had dementia. He didn’t agree with me (but he didn’t laugh at me either). He asked if I sometimes forgot where my car was parked, “no.” Did I keep my keys in the fridge? “Absolutely not.” Did I forget my children’s names or what day it was? “Never.”  He reassured me that it wasn’t dementia as much as I tried to convince him otherwise.

Every woman’s story is different. Lets hear from you ladies of a certain age. “How is the party going?” The good news is that it will end one day. Once the hormones have run their course, it will be nice and quiet again. We will be able to put away our hand fans. Don’t hold your breath though!

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this blog. Do leave a response in the comments box. I would love to hear your story!!

Anyone had dementia too?? 😁😁

Yes, better days ahead ladies👌😎