I Do

The other day, I received a post in my WhapsApp which made me quite sad. It was a collection of quotes by famous personalities and it was meant to be funny. Unfortunately, it fell flat on its’ face for me. They were sharing their special anecdotes about marriage. These are some of their quotes;

“After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can’t face each other but still have to stay together.” – Al Gore  

“By all means marry, If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll be a philosopher.” - Socrates

 “A wife inspires us to great things and prevents us from achieving them.” – Mike Tyson

 “When you are in love, wonders happen. Once you get married, you wonder what happened.” – Steve Jobs

 “Every wife is a Mistress of her husband. ‘Miss’ for the first year and ‘Stress’ for the rest of their lives.” – a Philosopher Husband

 “Marriage is a beautiful forest where brave lions are killed by beautiful deers.” – Brad Pitt

Are things really that bad? How do people survive an unhappy marriage? What are the issues at hand? Please I need help with this. Can we have responses in the comments section below about the causes of marital breakdowns. What issues have you come across? What cries have you heard? How many hurting hearts have you consoled? What is the problem with marriage? Has it always been like this or are things getting worse?

These questions have weighed heavily on my heart especially as my children are getting older. My son recently confirmed to me that a lot of his peers are choosing to co-habit rather than marry. The issue of money seems to play a huge role in their decisions. There is the question of who gets the house in the occasion of the marriage breaking down? He also mentioned that young people these days consider the option of signing a prenuptial agreement before saying “I do.”  Who does that!!!  I was gobsmacked. A prenup? They are obviously thinking ahead and making contingency plans in case it all goes south. Unfortunately the UK law does not have that provision for prenups, he wistfully added.

Sometimes I wonder if the older generation is giving an unrealistic impression of what marriage is all about to young people? My son once told me that he had never heard me lie to his dad nor seen us have an argument. All he was used to was a lot of laughter and us teasing each other. He has seen me happily “waiting on” my husband, asking if he was ready to eat, hot meals being served, the table cleared and washing up done. He has also seen his dad bending over backwards to ensure I am comfortable and well provided for. He has observed me being spoilt, given constant gifts for no apparent reason except that he loved me. I on the other hand have been accused of being old fashioned and too subservient by some of my friends. I guess there could be some truth in that but the good news is that, it works for me.

I wouldn’t want to set my children up for failure so I have started having a new conversation with them. Not all women would be like mum. The deciding factor would be where they are coming from, how they have been raised and what their values are. Are they Christian? Do they believe and accept that a man is the head of a woman? What does that even mean? Would they be happy to live in that reality? I realise that these are contentious topics and not very popular with today’s culture. Even within the Church, not many people accept this Truth nor interpret it the way I do.

The sense I get from a lot of women is that they are tired of being considered as second rate beings. They are tired of the male domination, intimidation and superiority complex. They feel they can hold their own to any man. To be fair to them, they can. Some marital stories are really gruesome and some heads of the families have shown how inadequate they could be. How do we correct the problem? How do we pour some sweet wine into those soured homes? How do we erase the painful memories and abuse of many years? Is there any hope of rescue? Does the Word of God still have a role to play? Are there some signs to watch out for? It was a huge eye opener for me when I learnt that God was the Creator of marriage and that He also had a Guide Book for it. Its a shame that we hardly apply the strategy of the Manufacturer found in the Guide Book. No wonder we run into difficulties.

I obviously don’t have all the answers but I know that there is more to marriage than the miserable quotes above. I was brought up in a home that wasn’t the greatest example of marital bliss. My parents certainly were not madly in love but they were civil to each other. They all understood their roles and played it diligently.  I have heard of homes where there is physical abuse, where the wives (and husbands) get beaten up for any reason under the sun. In some cases, the women were doing better financially and it became a big problem for the husbands.

All I can share is my own reality. The principles of the Bible are working for me and I am happy to continue in them. Do I get upset with my husband? Absolutely. Do we sometimes fall out? 100% Yes. I remember the wife of Billy Graham (Ruth-Bell Graham) who was once asked by a TV journalist, “have you ever considered divorcing him?”  She smartly answered, “divorce, no. Murder, yes.”

So what do you have to say? Since we can’t divorce nor murder them, what do we do? Please let’s have your thoughts in the comments section below.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this blog. Remember, iron sharpens iron. You never know who might benefit from the word from you. Yes, you can share, share, share 👌😎👍👍👍