Inspired by a Picture
The Joneses Next Door; I once thought that family really existed. I first came across them as a young girl reading romantic novels about people who were always comparing their lives with the Joneses next door. What a laugh when I realised it was just a figure of speech. So many lives have been destroyed by this infamous family who always seem to have it all together. They create a feeling of inadequacy and inferiority in us ordinary people.
Mrs Jones, the picture of perfection! Beautiful, well dressed, well mannered, rich, perfect children, every strand of hair in place. So many people like that live lives that are a nightmare behind closed doors. I remember Tracey, my childhood friend who lived not too far away. She had everything. A big beautiful house, rich parents, cooks, drivers, cleaners etc. As was to be expected, she also landed a fantastic job with an oil company. She was the envy of us all. We all got married about the same time.
Her husband Tom was totally smitten over her. Almost immediately after they tied the knot, he got a job in America. She eventually joined him and her company was able to transfer her service to their American head office. It Was too good to be true. They settled in Michigan and life went on for everyone. We forgot all about them as the years rolled by.
Ten years later, Tracey returned with a heart wrenching story. She had gone on to have three kids in Michigan. They all turned out to be sickle cell anaemic. The first one was not only special needs but autistic, with no speech. She had to give up her job to become a full time mum for the children. The husband became the sole provider but his salary simply wasn’t meeting up. He had also lost his high paying job and did not qualify for welfare from the government. It was not a pretty picture.
Michigan turned out to be too cold for the children’s condition. It was crises after crises after crises. During those episodes, they would experience extreme pain in their bones needing morphine to soothe them. Their cries of pain and anguish was more than Tracey could bear. She wished she could take some of their pain. As if things couldn’t get any worse, no doctor wanted to take them on because of the midnight crises. Tracey would always have to take all three children to the hospital. She couldn’t afford to leave them behind with Tom because he needed his sleep to be bright and alert for work the next day. She begged him for the family to move to a warmer state but he said no. All his friends were in Michigan! He couldn’t afford to start all over again. Maybe she could dress the children more warmly or increase the room heating. This went on for years until eventually she decided enough was enough. Tracey went back to Kenya. It was a lot easier. She had the help of family and didn’t have to go it alone. It was almost as if the gods were smiling down on her.
Her story however didn’t end happily ever after. One Saturday, on the way back from her sister’s wedding Tracey had a ghastly car accident. A truck ran into her Mini crushing all the passengers but the driver. She lost her children in one day. Tom also asked for a divorce shortly after and married his long term girlfriend. Tracey was inconsolable. She blamed herself for everything, for the accident, for her children’s illness, for the cold weather in Michigan and even for the breakdown of her marriage. Maybe if she had worn more makeup, maybe if she had gone to the hairdressers more often, maybe if she hadn’t gone to her sister’s wedding, maybe if she had remained in America, maybe if she hadn’t married Tom. She remembered her sacrifices for her marriage, the sleepless nights nursing the children back to health. She watched them endure so much pain alone and couldn’t help them. She remembered trips to the hospital with all three children, with no adult to talk with. Where did she go wrong?
People are hurting all over. The beautiful façade can be just that, a façade. Marriages are falling apart. There is bereavement, terminal illness, drug addiction, childlessness in marriage (meanwhile silly teenagers choose to have abortions), job losses, debt, unfairness at work etc.
In life, we will always have regrets. We look back and see things we could have done differently. Times we should have kept silent but we spoke, when we should have just walked away but we instead decided to “show of our strength”. Walking away is for the weak, right? Wrong. Sometimes it takes more strength to walk away than to stay and give them a well deserved piece of our mind. Let’s not be deceived by the perfect picture everyone wants us see. Although Tracey was tormented with regrets, no one would have seen it in the family photos they had taken. They all looked absolutely amazing. No one could have guessed what lay behind the smiles and beautiful clothes. It’s just a reminder that things might not always be as they seem.
Apart from regrets, we might also have to deal with our fears, failures and insecurities. In reality, a lot of people struggle with these and it cuts across all cadres. The poor will think “if only I had more money” my problems would be over. The rich would tell you “money doesn’t buy happiness”. Some of the richest folks are the loneliest, most miserable people you could ever meet.
Life happens, the good the bad and the ugly. For me personally, I always draw strength from the bible. My favourite scripture is Matt 11:28 which says “come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest”. Do I get weary? Absolutely!! Sometimes I just feel like going under my duvet and pulling it over my head, staying there for ever, pretending the problem doesn’t exist. It’s like the ostrich burying its head in the sand and believing that as long as it can’t “see the problem”, it doesn’t exist. How I wish it was so! The good news is that there is Someone who is always willing to walk that difficult path with us. He says, I will never leave you nor forsake you. My second favourite scripture is a living dog is better than a dead lion, meaning once there is life, there is hope. There is nothing so far gone that God cannot handle. Call upon Him today.