In a Lockdown
Please, can someone get my husband out of my kitchen! How much longer do we have of this lockdown? It is the 21st of May 2020. As I write, I am actually laughing. I just went down stairs for a cup of tea but couldn’t find any of the tea stuff. Everything seemed to have disappeared; the tea tin, sugar tin, coffee tin and biscuit tin. Instead of getting upset, I just started searching. The sugar tin had been moved to another cupboard, the tea tin was buried in a new location and I’m still searching for the coffee tin as I speak. Please can somebody get my husband out of my kitchen.
I think this lockdown has been going on for too long, eight weeks at home so far. Two days ago, my husband opened the fridge/freezer and started giving instructions. I don’t like the way you’ve arranged the fridge. I think you should move this, this and that to the chest freezer. You can also bring this, this and the other back into this fridge. The middle shelf is also too cramped. My mouth dropped as I turned to look at him. That fridge has been like that for the past three years, where has he been? He took one look at my face and said, “it’s just a suggestion, only a suggestion”. My daughter was meanwhile trying hard to suppress her laugh, “so typical of mum and dad!”
Living in a lockdown has been quite an experience. It has been sort of like an advanced level of being “empty nesters”. We have become quite accustomed to living together 24:7 in our confined space. It started about two years ago when our two boys left home and got places of their own. It seemed we just woke up one day and found the two of us alone in an empty house. Their sister was mostly away in her university.
Our mantra, thanks to my husband, became “we are in this together”. For me it meant “children are all gone, no one to help with the chores, there is a lot of work to do, meals need to be prepared, bathrooms have to be cleaned, floors must be hoovered, laundry must be done, beds have to be made daily, dishes to be put away, dustbins to be emptied, fridges to be cleaned, no children to assist, we are in this together”. As the days have gone by, I realise “we are in this together” could mean different things to different people. For my husband, it is “we are in this together, I might help with the dishes and the dustbins”.
I am still amazed at how unalike we are. Almost on any given subject, we would usually be on opposite sides. Our points of views are always poles apart. He can easily see all the dangers, risks and hazards in things. I would naturally see the alternatives in the same things. My default is to always give the benefit of the doubt, to believe all things and to take things at face value. His default is, nothing is ever at face value. Benefit of the doubt?? You must be joking. Expect the worst from people, be prepared for it but hope for the best. As the years have gone by, we have both taken on a little of each other. Maybe that’s what the Bible means when it says “the two shall become one”. I have stepped up a lot and he has toned down a lot too. We are at a point where we can almost predict each other.
Something funny happened a few days ago on our way out for a walk. As we stepped outside, a young man was on the phone talking intently with someone. In my head I was thinking, “hmmmm, young man on the phone talking to someone. Is there a problem? Does he need some help?”. In my husbands’ head, “hmmmm, young man on the phone, who is he speaking to in front of my house? My daughter is home alone!!!!! Is he planning something mischievous? Why is he not in front of my neighbours’ house?” Immediately he calls out, “Hello there, everything okay?” The boy explains that he is giving directions to a friend trying to reach our estate. It turns out he is a friend to one of our boys and lives on the next street. As we continued walking, my husband turns on the house CCTV on his phone and watches the guy for a long time. I was just laughing my head off.
Even in our choices of food, we are different. My son once commented that they can tell who has gone food shopping simply by looking at the carrier bags. It is mum when its’ all fruits, carrots, cabbage, water, sensible stuff. It is dad when it is coke, malt, sweet juices, biscuits, chocolates, soft white bread, cakes and more cakes. It goes without saying, everyone prefers dads’ shopping.
It has taken almost twenty five years for us to appreciate the beauty of our differences. The early days of marriage were quite challenging. I felt his judgements were too extreme and he felt I was too soft, slow in reacting. Today, we realise we could be a winning team if only we could harness each others strengths. We have finally learnt that what is lacking in him, can be found in me in abundance and what I lack, he also has in abundance. We also know that we need each other to balance things out. Both points of views are important. Both temperaments are needed and both have a role to play. My husbands always says “Hennang you are the only woman that can live with me. I’m just too difficult”. Absolutely!!! I always completely agree with him!
In conclusion, for any marriage to succeed, it would depend on how much work the couple are willing to put into it. There has to be unconditional love, forgiveness and submission. They can’t afford to keep records of wrong done to them but must be willing to let go of hurts and seek healing. It would take a lot of honest communication and a lot of putting pride a side. Yes, its easier said than done but it is possible.