Happily Never After

Lantay had been looking forward to this day since she got her admission letter six months prior.  It was the day her teacher training was to commence. She had never planned on becoming a teacher but life had just railroaded her into it. Her father had always wanted her to be a Medical Doctor  but she had deliberately made sure she didn’t make the required grades to get into medicine over ten years ago. She ended up reading Zoology in the University of Jos.

 “Not to worry, her dad had said. The best doctors usually have a different first degree. YOU WILL STILL READ Medicine after your Youth Service.”

Lantay rolled her eyes and smiled. “Not if I have anything to do with it” she said quietly in her heart.

The training had lived up to her expectations. Charles (her husband) had called to say he would be picking them up by 12:00 noon before the close of day. It was however 5 pm with no sign of him. Was it the Abuja traffic? All the children and teachers had left school leaving only Lantay and her brood of four. She was getting increasingly irritated as all her calls were going unanswered. She also had a baby of twenty months who was not a happy camper. The school bus driver decided to give them a lift to the Administrators’ house where he’d park the car overnight. Her irritation was fast  turning to concern and then to worry. She wondered what could be hindering Charles from answering her.

She remembered how they had met thirteen years earlier.  It was during a girls’ holiday she had taken with her two cousins to the city of Lagos, Jans and Leanna Iftan. They had all been introduced to Charles at a party and he wouldn’t leave her side after that.

“What’s your name?” he had asked.

“Lantay.”

“Lantay who?”

“Lantay it doesn’t matter.”

“Aren’t you proud of your dad?” he asked.

“I am, but I’m not sure why it matters here.” she replied.

They had spent the summer wining, dining and partying, mostly on Charles’ account. It had been so refreshing being away from home with her two favourite girls. Charles wasn’t happy with the group dates. He so desperately  wanted time alone with Lantay.

The following year, they were back in Lagos again. This time, they were able to shake everyone off to go on a proper date. He had such beautiful eyes, she noticed, and a captivating voice. She also observed that they had very similar interests. He loved the Art, just as she did. They had spent the day at the Lagos Art Gallery watching some exhibitions. They also went to the museum and saw the 1976 car where the Head of State had been assassinated. It was fascinating. Time flew so quickly and also stood still at the same time. Those private outings were to repeat themselves over the next few weeks.

One night, as he was driving her home he simply asked, “Lantay will you marry me?” Her heart literally stopped beating as she wasn’t even planning on ever getting married. She was astounded to hear someone that sounded like her answer, “yes I will.” They almost had an accident as Charles turned sharply to look at her.  She got her first kiss that day.  

The beautiful holiday ended and everyone went back home. As the weeks went by, Lantay found herself getting increasingly sick. She didn’t know she was in the first trimester of her pregnancy.  Dreading to tell her parents, the pregnancy became threatened. Her dad’s dream of her becoming a doctor was being dashed before his very eyes. He just couldn’t forgive Charles for doing this to his daughter. Charles equally didn’t want to lose Lantay and so forged a plan to get married secretly in court. They had two witnesses, her sister Pauline and his brother. It certainly didn’t do him any favours with “Daddy Paul”, Lantay’s father.

It was a beautiful marriage, blessed with four children. Charles was a fantastic husband and father, so gentle in everything. Lantay would often joke that the children probably didn’t even like her, they preferred their dad. They definitely would rather have his cooking, even his hot chocolate tasted better. Maybe it was because she was the disciplinarian. It was a perfect compliment of their different traits.  They were happy and lacked nothing.

Her only nagging worry at the early stages of marriage was his smoking and the ensuing cough that became very persistent.

He would normally smoke about a 100 cigarettes a day, right down to the filter. He was terribly hooked on nicotine and unable to quit. One day,  he went to the shop to pick up some supplies for the new baby. The lady heard him coughing and asked if he was a smoker. He said yes. She asked him if he wanted his child to be raised in another man’s house because her friend had passed away the week before from a cough that sounded just like his. “If you want to live young man, stop smoking.”

For the first time, Charles became worried. He certainly didn’t want Lantay nor his children in another man’s house. He decided to smoke one last cigarette as he drove home that afternoon. Strangely, his car lighter wouldn’t work and he couldn’t get any roadside shops to sell him a box of matches. It was so bizarre because they had all sold out. When he got home, he told Lantay what had happened and broke the cigarette into two.  He said he had decided to stop smoking but would only be able to sustain it with the help of God. He was tired and frustrated with his life and knew he needed help. He decided to go to a Church.

The next Sunday, 20th September 1991, he went to Church and accepted Jesus as his Saviour. He became a born-again Christian and his life was totally transformed. He was able to give up smoking with no cravings nor withdrawal symptoms. The change was so phenomenal that  Lantay wanted the same experience for herself. She went back to Church the next Sunday and gave her life to Christ too. It was an awesome season in their lives.

Lantay snapped back into the present. It was now 7pm and there was still no news about Charles . Aunty Dee (her boss) and the husband (Dr Alade) decided it would be needful to go looking for him. They went first to the main Abuja Police Station where they were informed about a multi car accident that had occurred that afternoon. It turned out that Charles car had been involved. Dr Alade remembered stopping to assist at an accident scene  but hadn’t seen Charles nor his car. He never quite forgave himself for that.  Lantay was given Charles handset and other personal items retrieved from the car. They were all bloody. She could see the spider web cracks where his head had shattered the wind shield.  It felt unreal, like watching a movie. She was so relieved she had Aunty Dee and her husband with her. They began the rounds of the hospitals looking for Charles.

Eventually they found him at the National Hospital, Abuja.  He was in the Intensive Care Unit, bare chested, suction pads all over his body and strapped to the bed.He looked a mess. His head was about three times the normal size, looking like a rotten potato. His features were totally unrecognisable. His tongue was blue and hanging out of the side of his mouth. It was not a pretty sight to behold. Lantay started screaming at him to get up, get up, get up. No, he couldn’t do this to her. “Who will make the children’s food? I’m not even sure they like me. I can’t even make their hot chocolate right.” She was creating such a raucous that the matron asked her to either shut up or to get out in the sternest of tones. The hospital nurses were very cold and unfriendly, without empathy to the hurting family.

Charles  was in a coma for exactly 21 days before he was finally released. It was a trying 21 days. Lantay cried herself to sleep every night. Some frightening tubes were run through his throat partly for oxygen and partly for his feeding. He was alive but not talking. His eyes swollen and permanently shut. Lantay found a way to “discuss” with him. She would tell him how much she loved him and how her day had been. She told him everyone was missing him especially the children. He had to hurry up and open his eyes so she could bring them to see him. She would ask him questions and a tight squeeze of his eyelids would mean a yes. She once asked, “are the streets in heaven really made of gold?” He squeezed his eyelids. “Wow, you’ve seen them?” Another squeeze.  “I can’t wait for you to be well enough so we can tell your story in Church.” No squeeze. She decided not to let the children see their father in that state so as not to traumatise them.  She cried every night in secret because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing her best friend. Thank goodness the doctors were so encouraging.  

The Church family were also great at keeping her company. With four  little children under twelve,  they ensured she was never left alone.  On this particular day, it was a very full house with all her cousins and siblings visiting. Lantay was excited. What she didn’t know was that her husband had passed away during the night peacefully and nobody had been able to break the news to her. There was now  the risk of a guest coming in and blurting it out unknowingly. How do you tell a wife that her husband was dead? What words do you use to make it softer? The Pastor found himself between the rock and a hard place anchored with that responsibility. He eventually took her into the kitchen to break the news to her with his wife present. Her knees buckled as she started screaming hysterically.

Lantay handled her grief in a very unusual way. She never cried in public, she just went frozen. She lost all the weight that she didn’t have. There were so many mixed reactions from people to her stoic carriage. One of her friends visited and confronted her saying, “Lantay, I hear you are not crying. You must cry. I have to make you cry. This is totally unnatural.” The lady’s husband was aghast as he tried to hush his wife. Her comments hurt so deeply and it would take a long while for Lantay to get over it.

Charles funeral was fixed for a day after her birthday. Unbelievably, two well meaning friends brought  cakes to celebrate with her.  “Are you guys for real? You want me to celebrate my birthday? There must be something wrong with you,” she told them. Although she was totally surrounded by people, she was still so lonely.

For the funeral, Lantay didn’t want to wear black and so chose a cheery pink dress. “Noooooo,” everyone screamed. “They will think you killed your husband”, a very common accusation against widows in Africa. “African men never die, they are always killed by their wives”, that’s the myth. Some cultures require the women to drink from the water used to wash the dead body to prove they didn’t murder their husband. Others say the woman has to spend one night alone with the corpse to prove their innocence.  “They can think exactly what they want”, Lantay retorted. “He is my husband.”  They eventually reached a compromise and gave her a navy blue skirt suit.

An aunty told her on the day of the funeral, “Don’t worry, you are young and still very beautiful. You need to cry and get over it so that you can marry again quickly.” That flippant remark cut deep into Lantay. It sounded so mean and heartless. Why would anyone think that she would want to marry again. She was literally looking down at her husband’s casket before her. It seemed like no one understood the pain she was going through simply because she wasn’t crying openly.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The coffin was lowered into the ground and it was time to cover it with dirt. That was one of the hardest moments. It made Charles departure real. He was being left alone in a box, claustrophobic and alone in the ground. They would all walk away and leave him there.  As she walked to the car, the tears started flowing down uncontrollably. She was overcome by her emotions and by her racking sobs. She remained like that for the rest of the day. It caused no little stir amongst the family members to see her finally cry. “Oh Please get her some food. What would you like Lantay.” All she wanted was ice cream.

A cousin tried to encourage her by singing Andrae Couches’ “He’ll do it Again”. “Hmmm, do what again?” Lantay contemplated. “Kill him again?” It only brought more tears.

She didn’t want to hear anything about “marrying again”. As far as she was concerned, she was still married. Others would say things like “don’t cry, he is in a better place.” No, the best place to be was with them here on earth. Some of the things people said to her were almost offensive.  She would have preferred if they had just sat with her quietly and not forced a conversation.

Through her journey of widowhood, she had to learn so many new skills. She had to learn to be the father and the mother at the same time. Charles had been an extrovert and she, the introvert. All the children turned out to be like their dad. She had to also learn to be more gentle and tolerating like their dad. One of the greatest challenges was in the area of finances because he had been the sole bread winner. Although money became tight, all their needs were however always met. For example, when they needed a house to live in, her friend Kaygo and the husband gave them their furnished house to live in for eight long years rent free. It was so typical of Gods’ promises in the Bible for widows in Is. 54:4-5. He says He is the husband of the widow; 

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.

Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.

You will forget the shame of your youth

and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.

For your Maker is your husband”

This year 2020 marks the fifteenth year since Charles passed. Lantay can also confidently say that time does heal. Those were some of the things  people would say to her in the past that got her riled. At that time, it wasn’t what she wanted to hear. It is great to know that two of her children are now IT graduates, one an  economist and the last one studying Software Engineering . Yes indeed “He will do it again”. He had put a smile on the widows face and healed the broken hearted.

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